I have in a quandry recently over the possibilty of a job change. I’ve been a ninja for ever and really love the work but it’s a time consuming job and I never really have time for me. So I started posting my CV around. It shows my character as a noble, patient, tidy individual who likes to dispose of people with as much blood spray as possible.

So naturally I got a job in sales but decided to go back to ninjaring as even I don’t like to hurt people that much.

So that is the really lame excuse for why I haven’t been around for a while. Don’t complain or I’ll kill you. But I’d feel really bad about it.

Kill you later

Using a circular silver sheild I took as spoils from a Jenta Mega-Knight that came looking for a superninja scalp I managed to pick up a satellite signal and god bless terrestrial TV the Usual Suspects was showing. What a film!

When it came out little was known about this film yet it managed to capture the film world by storm. But even more impressive is the amazing performances from the cast whose current career success can possibly be tracked back to this very film.

Most notibaly Kevin Spacey who has gone on to win oscar’s and is the artistic director of the Old Vic theatre in London, Englnad a prestigious and powerful role. Some of the finest actor’s in the world have graced the stage at the Old Vic and Spacey’s direction has added a vibe to the theatre that was lacking in recent year.

Bryan Singer, the director, went on to do many films not least X-men, Superman Returns and the most cool House M.D. starring Hugh Laurie.

Benicio Del Toro created a bizarre but memorable portrayal of the mumbling  Fenster which gave him a large step into mainstream.

But the great twist at the end made this film what it was and made fools of us all. And we love to made fools of as long as everybody in the film feels silly too.

A great venture and will be remembered for many years. Also it is known everywhere. Even those that Haven’t seen it know it. Ask around. Go on, try. See what the result is and let me know the score.

Tons been going on and will update all you wannabe ninjas soon.

Kill ya later!

Too often with sorrow in his eyes has YoDan been thumbing through his favourite magazine or watching TV and thought ‘what this world needs is a good clean out. And by clean out I mean bloody carnage of epic proportions. But you get my drift.’

Below are a list of items that just need to go and suck the life out of the good natured people on this planet. Their is a creature that does this too called a Orkruch but that’s just the way it’s created. We should know better.

Please suggest your own and maybe I’ll be a kind ninja and add them on. Might even credit you. Or I might just stalk you and behead you. Expect either.

1. Paris Hilton

2. Big Brother

3. Movies with Tom Cruise in

4. Not being a ninja

5. Crystal Palace (football team)

6.Paris Hilton (she deserves a 2nd mention)

7. Knightbloom (The monster that is Orlando Bloom & Kiera Knightley. Both the same actor I think)

8. Anything made by Michael Bay

9. Harry Potter films

10. Mar-mite

11. Vege-mite

12. Sambuca (Oh boy did this ninja have a bad reaction to sambuca. And when a ninja has a bad reaction everybody feels that pain)

13. The colour pink

14. Wasps

15. People named Gertrude and Felix

16. The weather channels

17. Zoos

18. Steven Spielbergs carrer of late (not his early stuff. That was genius. Everything after and including A.I.)

I’ll post some more soon guys.

Kill ya later

Harry Potter is a coward.

The brightness of the lightbulb gave Harry nightmares

It’s hard for this ninja to say that considering how much of a ninja fan I was pouring all my attention over the books begging, like everyone, for the next installment to be released. But with just one scene in the film, David Yates has turned the hero of many, the boy who survived into a little scaredy cat.

More to come soon….

Which way are they going?

What is going through the minds of the Chelsea crew? Sell JT? Why? What could they possibly get from this? Money? Not something in all seriousness they really need. Being backed by a Russian Billionaire helps those rainy day blues melt away. Offloading a troublesome player? Not likely. JT has been and will always be a model professional in all areas of football.

So lets look at the Pros and Cons from both football clubs and also the players. This is a formula that can be applied to all transfers and I will from now on. Cause I’m a ninja.

Chelsea – The Pros

1. They’ll receive maybe £40 – £50 million quid depending on what paper you believe.

2. JT is ageing a little now and might be reason for their cashing in on him now.

3. Err…??? Umm?

To be honest i have serious doubts about number 2. Number 3 could do with some work too. But this is all I can find for Pros on the Chelsea side. Except maybe a possible 4.

4. JT wants to go and they wanted to see if he was serious or not. If they have a player who is asking to leave then they have to take all transfer possibilities seriously. In a year or two this player will start losing his transfer value.

—–

Chelsea – The Cons

1. Lose Captain and probably one of the best central defenders in the game. Also a model professional and England Captain/International.

2. Risk of severing future possibilities of JT becoming Chelsea manager one day. A wish he has stated in the past.

3. Dissallusionment of team with leader and friend gone.

4. They would with this transfer be directly helping a rival, who will very likely be challenging for their spot in the big four, strengthen its team in a huge way.

5. Seriously hamper their own challenge for top spot next season.

6. Have to spend a large portion of what they will receive for JT on new players to replace him. Which will result in, I have to think, two new central defenders of great quality.

7. Lose a huge influence in training and for Chelsea’s Youth Academy potentials. Having players look up to or emulating a player like JT is invaluable.

8. Chelsea fans will not be happy. Oooh this could get interesting.

Man City – The Pros

1. Gain a huge scalp from one of the big four showing them they aren’t untouchable and doing some good psychological damage to those big teams.

2. Gain a world class central defender who has, unless injured, at least four years of superb football to play.

3. Gain an ambassador for the sport in terms of experience, knowledge, personality, international status, etc.

4. With one player they can bolster their defence, which is pretty weak at the mo, by miles. JT not only brings himself but also brings his influence on other defenders and maybe the likes of Kompany, Richards and Ben-Haim (who he has already worked with) will benefit hugely by his presence in training and on the pitch.

5. Globally it’s a good seller: merchandising, revenue, season tickets, marketing, club status will all be advanced because of this one transfer.

—–

Man City – The Cons

1. Again a large amount of money will change hands and one day all this will be expected to be recouped in revenue.

2. A push on wage demands will maybe unsettle players already at City on a lot less.

3. Egos could clash here and make for a torrid first season.

4. JT is not young anymore and he may be starting to wain. Yeah, right!

So far this ninja can deduce that the cards stack very much in City’s favour here. So why don’t Chelsea just offer JT a larger contract to show him they love him. But maybe it’s too little too late. Have Chelsea shot themselves in the foot and by keeping quiet effectively forced JT out of the Stamford Bridge door?

JT – The Pros

1. A huge wage increase that will mean he can by silly stuff for years and realise he still can’t spend that cash quickly enough unless he buys a small country. Like Portugal perhaps.

2. He will join a club on the serious up and have new challenges.

3. Can’t think he will think like this but he will also have no Champions League so will be fresh for the World Cup?

4. Be adored, unless he sucks, by a larger crowd (only by stadium size not fan base) then he had at Chelsea.

—–

JT – The Cons

1. Leaving the club he started at and has loved for many years will be very tough.

2. Be out of Champions League for at least one year. And that’s if Man City qualify next season.

3. The possibility of being hounded by disgruntled and angry Chelsea fans.

4. Maybe struggle for honours at a team that might not gel for a season or two.

5. Uproot his life and family from London up to Manchester.

6. Be constantly defending his motives for the move. Money? Challenge? What?

After all this I still can’t see it’s in Chelsea’s or even JT’s best interests to move. If I were the ninja in charge there then I would walk up and say

“JT, here’s a new contract, we love ya, please stay. Sorry about any confusion.”

That should work and if it doesn’t then go public and say you offered him more and he has turned it down. that way putting pressure on him to make up his mind but keeping the Chelsea fans of your back

Cold but the sensible move. From Chelsea’s point of view. Man City have nothing to lose except maybe ending up with a month long saga that will result in no transfer and may have missed on other players because of JT drive.

JT, you have the ball in your court whether you want it or not.

That makes me a sad Panda.

This ninja can’t wait for the next few days to unfold.

Kill ya later!

What, I hear you scream? Football? But you’re a movie ninja YoDan! Why are you talking about football?

The answer is simple. Er…

Right, well. Movies are a form of art reflecting life. And without everyday happenings in life then movies wouldn’t exist except maybe in an abstract way. And other art forms sensationally create themes and subjects for movies to reflect, like art, fashion, photography, the news, politics, cartoon, books, music, etc. Entertainment is a big factor in what the film world feeds from and sport is a huge one in that arena. Films that have come out due to its relation to sport are Goal I, II & III (even though they’re crap), The Natural, Bad News Bears, Major League, A League of Their Own, The Mighty Ducks, Babe, Searching for Bobby Fischer, The Longest Yard, Mean Machine, I could go on forever.

Sport plays a major part in our lives as a competitive society. And, it’s ninja. Football was created by ninjas, played by ninjas, revised and regulated by ninjas, and, back two thousand years ago when we invented it, organised the blood baths after. No, not baths. Blood baths!

So, this gives me licence to talk as knowledgeably as I can (which is a lot. I’m a ninja for crying out loud) about anything I feel will bear some reference to the film world in general or specifically.

Thin I know. I hope you can forgive a ninja.

If not I will kill you.

Kill ya later.

After much postulating and lamenting during my last post about previous Potter films and their director’s I have gone ahead and obtained some tickets for me and Mrs YoDan for tomorrow night. It was difficult due to the fact there are no cinemas on Ninja Mountain and we had to stealth run over to the nearest city over one thousand miles away.

I know it may be strange but I’m still the hopeless idiot I have always been concerning movies and am really excited about seeing this film. I know it will probably be long and tedious. I know the acting will not be much better then any before. I know that against all I odds the CGI will have been addressed more then the story/plot/acting/continuity/filming! I know I will probably be disappointed but….you never know, right?

I’m a sucker. Always have and always will be. It is the reason some cinematic enterprises continue to make millions even though the substance of the film is as filling as a prawn cracker.

I hope I’m wrong. I hope the script is well balanced, the acting a little maturer and the story a little tighter in quality and panache. I hope the crowd coo and crow along with the film. i hope its a roller-coaster of a ride.

I hope.

Harry has turned 16 and love is in the air with Ginny Weasley whilst Death Eater’s go beserk hacking and hexing wizards and muggles left, right and centre throughout the world. A war is on and Harry Potter and co need to prepare for the battle. But will the film be any good?

Sadly the plot lines of the films become a little frustrating for a ninja for if only they had used one then none of this would ever have happened. Simple. Could of had an assassin waiting for Lord V to stroll by and then NINJA CHOP the little snaky sod’s head off! So not in keeping with reality for me. I mean, wizards, witches and giants exist but where’s the ninjas? OK, admittedly their probably just keeping still ninja fashion and looking invisible but it’s unrealistic to say not one slightly wealthy Wizard didn’t take it on themselves to hire one of my stylishly uniformed colleagues to quickly and quietly shove a few miniature Shuriken in Voldemort’s coco pops when he least expected it. Nonsense. Of course it’s a film and it would only have been and actor portraying a ninja (someone like Christopher Walken could play me. What?) but still some sense of realism must be addressed here.

Anyway, this time it could work. This time the plot might hold together and not go down odd tangents, like Order of the Phoenix, the story might not rocket around in all directions in a blur like nearly all have so far. But like so many I think I will be disappointed by holes throughout and missing scenes that should have stayed. It will look fantastic as they all have but I feel my ninja ratings will be harsh but fair in this sham-epic encounter. And why? Well, I put it down to choice of Director.

David Yates is the director. Ever heard of him? This ninja hadn’t. What has he done I hear you ask? Let his last film do the talking and stop giving the poor man a hard time. Okay. His last film was Order of the Phoenix. Alright, maybe unfair as he was hired to do all the last three films (take into account that Deathly hallows has been turned into two films to keep us fully informed and not at all to continue the cash machine juggernaut that is Harry potter), so lets see his last film before that. Erm…none. That’s right. Not a cinematic sausage.

How can a director that has only done TV and not much of that to be honest get three (four really) of the biggest fantasy films to ever come out of Britain? How? Is he a classic seducer? Slipped a potion the way of the Warner Bros execs? Maybe he performed the Imperius curse on some poor muppet and is giggling his silly little television socks off in some now wonderfully padded flat in England somewhere. To imagine the talented directors out there to take on this franchise.

I’m not saying he’s rubbish. He did alright with Order of the Phoenix. I’m even a little surprised by the look and polish of the film but it so quickly shows maybe why there were gaping flaws in the making of the film. It was bad enough giving Goblet of Fire to Mike Newell who’s last films were in 2003 with Mona Lisa Smile (Aaarrggh, kill me now. Please don’t make me watch it again. I’ll have to self-ninja) and Pushing Tin that awful air traffic controller film four years earlier.

What was wrong with Alfonso Cuaron? Prisoner of Azkaban was by far the best effort and one that stayed close to the story. Best acting from the cast to date and great suspense and drama throughout. His last film was the hugely acclaimed and rewarded Y tu mama tambien. He has then gone on to make the brilliant sci-fi Children of Men. What did he do wrong? Chris Columbus, pushing my ninja eyeballs into my skull thinking about his two Potter attempts, got two bites of the Hogwarts pie.

Needless to say I and many are waiting with not a little trepidation for this film to emerge from the Warner Bros fog proudly jutting it’s little jaw out with over the top bravado. But we’re not going to fall for it this time are we guys? Hello Guys?

…see you at the popcorn cue.

Damn it.

Hi guys. Against my better judgement I have started to put my long and terrible history to paper (electronic paper) in an effort to alleviate the rumours surrounding my creation. It isn’t made up. this is how all ninjas are created. We are guided by magical ninja stars and our births are relative to the world and it’s moods. So don’t blame the ninja if it’s a little unbelievable. Believe it! I have the scars to show!

Anyway, take a good look and let me know guys.

Just go to the page headed, surprisingly, The Legend of Yodan.